I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
