I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
You did what with his pubic hair?
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