can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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