Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
