I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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