I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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