I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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