I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
