I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
My dad just said "fuck circus"
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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