I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
My balls are so social today.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
