i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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