I wish my penis had an off switch
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Randomize
