mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
