they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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