so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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