i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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