then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
The police scanner is talking about you again....
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
