I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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