wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
