i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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