ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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