just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
