so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
