Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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