Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize