Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize