would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Even my vagina gasped.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
did i just pee glitter
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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