Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize