If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
His hands were made for my vagina.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
