he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
