Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
