Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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