why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
3pm strippers are depressing
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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