Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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