Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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