Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
We are two peas in an std pod
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Randomize
