my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
