How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
