It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
