We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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