You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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