I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
