I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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