it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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