i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
