If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
