so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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