Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
