that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Randomize
