What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Randomize
