i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
