Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
