No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
