dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
