we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
