It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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