it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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