He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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