I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
