i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
