Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
