I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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