girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
