I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
