I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I licked your asshole in confidence.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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