you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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